| At a recent presentation for parents, I mentioned | | | | parameters and offer weekly rewards, such as |
| the importance of providing positive consequences to | | | | taking your daughter out to lunch on the weekend if |
| motivate students with homework. Afterwards, one | | | | she does her homework tear-free four nights in one |
| mother approached and explained that her daughter | | | | week. Gradually, increase the time-span and slightly |
| has been having problems all school year. "Her | | | | increase the value of each reward. You can |
| teacher has been insisting that I provide a lot of | | | | guarantee motivation if you ask your children for |
| punishment at home," she explained. "I think that | | | | 'reasonable' reward ideas. |
| might be the problem...that my daughter is turned off | | | | - Back up your positive consequences with negative |
| by her negative attitude." Wouldn't we all? | | | | ones. |
| Don't get me wrong...punishment has its place and can | | | | This creates a choice for your child. "If I do my |
| be an important element of molding and managing | | | | homework on time tonight, I can go to a movie with |
| behavior. However, we often overlook the power of | | | | dad. If I don't, I will loose my video games for the |
| being positive. As human beings, we naturally focus | | | | night." Which would you choose? |
| on the negative and are conditioned to dole out | | | | - Be firm and ALWAYS follow through. The moment |
| negative consequences first. However, providing | | | | you do not enforce your expectations, you loose the |
| positive rewards for good behavior is usually much | | | | game! Your children know if you do not always mean |
| more effective. | | | | what you say and they will test you to the end of |
| For starters, positive consequences cultivate positive | | | | time. There are not shortcuts; only offer |
| attitudes...and you need as much of that as you can | | | | consequences that you are willing to enforce, and |
| get when it comes to dealing with homework! | | | | then ENFORCE them! |
| Secondly, they allow you to be much more specific | | | | - On a similar note, be aware of the "Four Factor." |
| about your expectations, which makes your children | | | | The first few times you introduce a new routine or |
| more likely to meet them. | | | | expectation with children, they are likely to fight it. |
| For example, "Stop fooling around and get your | | | | The first time will be bad. The second time will be |
| homework done," is not as specific as, "If you can | | | | awful. The third time may be unbelievably awful. By |
| stay focused and finish your homework in 20 | | | | the fourth time, they will start cooperating because |
| minutes, I will let you watch an extra TV show | | | | they will KNOW you are serious. |
| tonight." The latter statement tells the child | | | | - Rewards of your time are most motivating. This |
| specifically what they SHOULD do and this will always | | | | often surprises parents, especially parents of middle |
| result in a better response. | | | | and high school students, but the opportunity to |
| Finally, punishment is often NOT motivating, especially | | | | spend 'special time' with Mom or Dad is very |
| for children who have fallen into complacency. Before | | | | attractive to students of all ages. Seize the |
| long, there will be nothing left for you to "take | | | | opportunity while you have it. |
| away." | | | | ** In Conclusion ** |
| ** Action Plan ** | | | | As a parent, if your homework management |
| - Determine realistic, yet motivating rewards. When | | | | strategy relies strictly on punishment, you are |
| you first start, you may need to provide rewards | | | | wearing away motivation and fighting a loosing battle. |
| immediately. After a short while, start extending the | | | | Turn the tides by using positive consequences and |
| time. For example, you might first offer stickers, | | | | reap the benefits of happier and more successful |
| extra time on the computer, or a small treat each | | | | children. |
| evening. After a couple of weeks, change the | | | | |